WEBmadman's Dark Cheese Swimming The hard crust of reality begins to soften around the edges, and time melts like a Dali pocket watch. Shapes flickering behind the things around me. Memories of what was projecting through to the possiblities of what may be, the present becomes a falcrum, a point of uncertain clarity. Reality- a liquid, impossible to hold with the hands of reason, but I can swirl ripples through this pond, swim through the waves of experience, I can cup my hands, draw this water up to the lips of my perception, drink deep, emerge and see the ocean around me, gaze upward to the sky, and dream the blue so deep within. I feel the other souls around me, some are like dolphins, they teach me to swim with vigor and joy. Others flounder, splashing frantically, I feel panic and the paradoxical compulsion to both help and flee, sometimes I help, sometimes I flee. I begin to recognize rafts and boats around me, they are stitched of souls intent, the will born of passion, a fire to behold. I am part of some, I know now, and can relax a bit, let myself drift and know that I will not drown. I can also feel a fulfillment knowing I have saved some others from drowning, just by being as I am. And here is the pearl, the purpose (porpoise), in being, my ripples caress the infinite in circles drifting outward. I am not alone in this ocean, and bridges are easiest built with others in mutual fulfillment towards being together joined, riding the waves. I have learned to swim by realizing I've known how all along, I just had moments of forgetting, I remember now, can you? ------------------------------------------------------------------ Carolyn Was Here Cynical and sensuous GenX dreams and a wunderlust Couple of drinks to awake the beast Turning sex into a living feast Told her my deepest, darkest fears She showed no anger and she showed no tears She just smiled and said okay I know I love you anyway Carolyn was here Saw her face in my shedding tear Pain of looking back makes it all too clear Who turned away, who turned away, Who tried to say it didn't happen Jacob Two-Two and The Little Prince We shared something in a thousand hints Wanting love, but afraid to trust Watched our heros turn to dust Let herself go, waiting to try Makes you wonder when the young ones die Future held possibilities, All cut short by a stupid disease Carolyn was here ------------------------------------------------------------------ Twist (Fill me Up) Where to which and what to foe How I wish for who I go When me niche, now hear me know From this rich, we start to glow Fill me up, fill me up, fill me up with emptiness Fill me up, fill me up, fill me up with emptiness Balanced on the egos ledge... Win a beetle, through a needle When this night has come anew Skill is a block unlearned Wisdom is a body turned Harmonies of solid thought Dissipate the battles fought Flight of falling stone Caress of skin and bone Bed fur in low moss is waiting for you Snake round a glow moth, whatever your due Fill me up, fill me up, fill me up with emptiness Fill me up, fill me up, fill me up with emptiness Pushed to the awareness fold After that the stories told Body may be absolete But I'll still be too discrete ------------------------------------------------------------------ I Exist Here (Behind the Lenses of Your Eyes) I exist here behind the lenses of your eyes Storing your present experience with clumsy hands Evoking past memories, like pluking the strings of an untuned instrument On a journey we have embarked, spanning but a lifetime Signs flash by, counting down the miles in unknowable numbers Lessons are learned, soon forgotten, relearned, then reforgotten Emotions flash by in waves of light Sometimes, when you sleep, I am left to wander the being that we both share At these times, I leave footprints, Hints of emotion, suggestions of revelations You awake, and call these traces dreams Sometimes, awareness of me floods through you in a cold flash or deja vu And I leave you shaking Your thoughts and dreams define me I exist outside of space and time Yet I am your thoughts and dreams And I am the unit by which you measure space and time You see me reflected in the random clouds Or the blackness of night I existed before you were aware of your own existance While your understanding is based on logical conclusion My understanding is based on feeling and revelation I seep (seek) through your logic in burning points of inspiration Neither you nor I are complete or absolute Only in unity will we both become whole Someday, we may be just one ------------------------------------------------------------------ Sacred Scars (Road Maps) All I've ever hated, all I've ever fought, is inside of me. It never went any further than that. Everything that somebody else did to push my buttons, make me mad, it all has a ring of familiarity. Those thoughts I wrestle, all sanctimonious and proud, are the ones that are mirrored in what I see as wrong. It pulls and hurts and knots me up inside, leaves me wondering, what's the point? How can this be healed? How can we, how can I, step beyond this? Learn to accept, learn to change? Who is the teacher? All the good ones seem to be locked in the past, chained by dogma, obscured by the parts of me, parts of us, that are afraid to die, afraid to let go, afraid of the pain of change. But pain is what keeps us here, it's familiar and known, it won't get us when we least expect it, or will it? Isn't it happening anyway? We are all becoming- becoming something. Growing, healing, hurting, crying, laughing, being. It's what we are, it's what we do. So, this is the comfort of pain, knowing it's a sign of growth. And that itching, gnawing, aching is the feeling of skin restitching itself into scars that map the journey to here and now. I am this sensation, this space in which to occur. Road maps don't show what is, they show what was, a moment frozen and stretched through time. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Take It Further Take it further if you can, take it further if you can. They say That all limits Are self imposed ------------------------------------------------------------------ Soul To Soul Casual anger wrapped in spite Pushed through with empathy site Connecting on the akward angle Carefully caught in each others grasp Calling on the deeper self to hold And speak in times at bold A mirrored image on the surface scan A total sum of life to span Can we fill it in complete A moment of the real with us A kind of feeling through the rush That tells us that we're here to touch Soul to soul to soul to soul How to stand this How to understand How to under stand A compassion that isn't in denile Of the hurt sometimes Digging in the dirt at times This is the time Here is the space We grow through this We grow through this How is your bliss Do you touch this space enough Or fall back behind the walls so gruff To feel alone Just skin and bone One apart away from rest The comfort to belong Together with someone That will not test My meddle On grilling spite Chewed and roasted Escape from this Alone all one Who is here with me What corpses may I dress In like minds Mimed Going through motions Not hoping for a spark Only caught up In half measures Of Me-Sures Assured of some standing But not where I'd hoped to be Not free Not caged Just tethered to aspirations That seem to reach too far But then a hand grasps the other end And I finally understand That I can stand Weathering the fearsome storms Emerge and feel the sun that warms Shed the skin that did deform And grow into my heart reformed ------------------------------------------------------------------ Ingrown Psychosis Persicution complex around a grain of truth All that's left of the predator is a rotten tooth Elders all ignore their blinding denials Bang their gavel and put me on trial Try to discipline me to the fortune wheel Telling me to close my mind and forget how to feel Try to deal with it, I don't know how Behind this closed curtain I take a bow Undone to see but how to be I hope some day that I'll break free From this ingrown horror that's all around Inside this gaseous membrane That's far from ground ------------------------------------------------------------------ Open Up (To This Surprise) Open up to this surprise Death is waiting in the final prize The lies been told the secret kept The moon was stolen while awareness slept Drawn into the passing void The stars are found in the spaces we avoid Trails oblivion in the crows foot squint Draw on clouds from the toxic hint Below the cries of sainthood doom Lonely faces in the basement room Step into the dark and see the star Come on down and see who you are Into the out a sum of time Without clocks no bells chime And to these means there comes an end It's what's inside I must defend From flame to ember and back to spark The cause this effect to leave my mark ------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Tide Giving definition to this form. This feeling underneath, between the words in conversation, the unsaid agreements to disagree. Can you feel it pushing and pulling at the edge of what I didn't say. It's not the way it's said, but something just beyond. One day a child was born and all passed it by except those that would abuse him with their love they said was pure. He grew afraid to give the acceptance to take the love of others because of what it could do. He became frightened of hope, because it was like a candle, once lit it so quickly burnt away. But, inside, something grew, it was like a knot tightening, drawing his attention, blurring his vision, mooring him to the spot. A ship, dragged down by it's anchor, drowned by the rising tide. Death stood by patiently, like a flight attendant ready to see him on to the next leg of his journey. But then, the tide lets out and he is left standing, wet and ragged, blinking in the sun, the knot loosens a little. He fumbles with slippery fingers to untie it before the next tide comes in... And so the spaces between my words are fears of rushing tides, and sharks that might be hiding in the waves of what you say. And I wonder, how much love I have given, that, though given in purest intent, had barbs and teeth and bits of knots that caught and held and dragged others down in rising tides... ------------------------------------------------------------------ Tainted With The Thoughts Soul, powerless in this glory Tainted with the thoughts that rile against security blankets Soul still trapped in matter of opinion Powerless in this glory New found freedom Just another cage Head filled with afterbirth of revelation Paralysed by future sights of mini-marts and shopping centers for the blind Things are changing every day, becoming more complete Starving kids on side streets What's to be done, what's done is done May the sky open up and swallow me whole Head filled with afterbirth of revelation And the womb splits, spilling blood and guts into the clockwork shifting Swallow the seed and watch it grow ------------------------------------------------------------------ My First Vacation It started with the dream of dying. Life ebbing out of my body as my heart slowed to a stop. No more hunger, no more pain, state of bliss, looking down from above at my body on a dream soft marble bed, photo-overlay effect, double image of my physical body, in my bunk bed, springs so loose, it's more like a hammock. Both images fade/recede out of sight, feeling of flight, falling without vertigo. Fields rush crowds of people past in whispering wind. Familiar faces without recognition, is that someone I know or someone who reminds me, of someone I know. Pain like nostalgia tinged with regret. Flash of body double. Eyes open to closed eyes open. Body relaxed, hanging in bunk bed. My first vacation. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Not Broken I am not broken, needing to be fixed. Not sick, needing to be well. I wish to learn so that I may grow. Feed my soul so that it may expand. Grab up the reins of awareness and ride my chariot on. Learn to read the signs posted that point to the destined experiences that my soul chose in the pinprick moment of my death and birth out of which the infinite moment of my life is now becoming. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Close to Crying Am I just A Lone Child In this Universe of Separate Lives Clinging to pebbles Of the Material World of worlds Spinning around Each Other Outside Another All One but none Alone In this Universe of Separate Togethers ------------------------------------------------------------------ What If This (Was Just What You Were Looking For) What if this was just what you were looking for Ardent underground, avant guard You don't get anywhere, when you try too hard The movement is lost, when it becomes as such If less is more, then nothing is too much Masked on paperclip, call it what you will The fable of the label, gets pushed to overkill Words fall from a thought still churning You read the time, from a clock that's turning Let it go to see it rise, the dream becomes sublime The thought becomes translucent, with the things that you define ------------------------------------------------------------------ Grabbing Strength The contact point evolves Grabbing strength from calloused scar Intention on the sleeve of action Weaving anger into loops that heal ------------------------------------------------------------------ Needles of Communication The long sharp needles of communication towers Inject into the clear blue belly of the sky A cacophony of silent noise Is this a vaccination, innoculation Against the deafening roar, of the cries of angst The death cry of the human spirit Or maybe a hit of some hallucinatory drug Into an atmosphere of longing For some miracle to come An addiction to what could be Numbing out what is ------------------------------------------------------------------ Earth Turned The Earth turned slowly To meet the Sun's splendid stare The words they spoke swooped and whirled Meteors, comets, satelites But the Sun spoke in seasons And the Earth spoke in days and misunderstanding forced the space between them The Earth, with a moon on her shoulder And the Sun, basking in his own glory